Hey.. Don't really feel like blogging much.. I don't know why. There's nothing good to blog about anyway, to remember. I seem to remember all the WRONG things. And whatever that's good, whatever that's right, whatever that's true, never fails to slip from my mind into the unreachable depths of my mind, waiting to be brought to light again, to guide me once more..

I guess I'm just afraid that everything will come CRASHING down on my head, proving to me once more that my heart has made a wrong choice like I have all my life.. I haven't been this way in so long. SO LONG. And I'm not gonna start now.

Away.

A way.

Open wounds never heal if you keep poking at them. Sometimes there is no wound, but with our continually fretting, we hurt OURSELVES, opening a wound that never was there. It's something we'll all do well to learn.

TUESDAY

I plucked out a tooth. Had a surgery. This whole braces process is costing my family almost $5000. Now, that is ALOT of money and I feel the loss too. And I'm not exactly happy about it cuz it's not like I'm having an exhilarating hell of a time during this long, drawn-out process of 2 years... My JC life. I don't know.

I remember the anaesthetic squirting outta my mouth when they poked it into my gum... Then they covered my eyes with lotsa of cloth and they kept scraping the gums like banana peel and using the drill and lotsa struggling with a pair of heavy duty pliers. Of course it didn't hurt but towards the end it started to so they injected mroe anaesthetic.

Whole disgusting process took 1.5 hours and my face swelled for the whole day, left side of the mouth was completely numb as well. Couldn't feel a thing. It bled like crazy for really long.

Went home to rest and went out again in the night for a rehearsal at ZhaoHan's place. I already had dinner at home but he actually took away for me. I couldn't eat cuz it hurt my "tooth" bad.

Even now... It bleeds everytime I eat, wash my face, or brush (!!!) my teeth. And it itches all the time, and even aches. Stinks, I tell you. Trying to get used to the fact that I'm a wayyyyy SLOW eater now.

Sighs.

WEDNESDAY

Morning went to ZhaoHan's place again to rehearse... Played Little Fighter (!!!) for a while. Rehearse rehearse rehearse. Things fell apart. People got mad. Jumped onto ZH mom's car, went to YMS. We were late. Skipped dinner. Met up with friends before the concert. Last minute decision to drop POOR Jon Lim. Showtime. Was screwed quite bad in my opinion from the bottom of my heart. Took a few photos.

Gave Andris a lift home. That was probably the happiest thing that happened that day. Just sat at the back of the car and talked pretty much a lotta nonsense. Which is fun really if you're really into it.

Thanks lah k, that's just what I want to say. Appreciate it a lot. And I don't know, just don't know what to say, what to do, how to thank you... I don't know how to repay everything that you've given and I doubt I can... And I feel bad because I can't. I'm afraid of being too important to anyone cuz I'll only let you down. To you, fang.

THURSDAY.

Nothing much. Spent the whole day watching She4 Diao1 Ying1 Xiong2 Zhuan4 (The Story of The Hero Who Shot Condors). Nice. Quite fun. Then practiced a bit and went rehearsal. That's all.

Learning lessons at rehearsal now. Learning lessons that I thought I'd learnt but haven't. Reiterating my attitude.

Gotta go. For some reason Mom's not angry. What's her problem.

My post is dark.

Sorry. I've lost it.