There's been nothing much going on so I won't blog alot. I don't wanna butt out the Scottish Fantasy review outta sight. It demands lotsa respect!!

Sunday was nothing much going to church, grandma's house yadda yadda.

Monday!! Yay I took out my stitches. I dunno my sinus problem and the tooth thingy is quite scary. I blew hard into my mouth and there was this compressing feeling in the nose. Scary! Bleah won't "test" it again. Heh heh.

Yay today maybe I will get that viola. Heh. See how.

I trust you that you can handle things well. You're grown up already! =) Anything you do I won't question. You need to the time, space and everything else that I can't give. So just do things at your own pace alright? You have my support! =)

Have changed to the 2nd movement of the Scottish Fantasy! It's a pretty short one. Also partly because Heifetz plays so fast of course. So it'll be here for a little while.

About the second movement: Pardon the introduction. I think the sound was distorted. It was recorded in 1947. The introduction is dark but turns chords quickly using a similar motive to become a lively jig! Soaring arpeggios and scales brings the orchestra to the second theme, which the violin quickly variates. Then the orchestra goes into a repetitive rhythm while the violin sings a motive, recapping to one similar to that of the first movement! After which the orchestra descends into a minor key, using previous themes, but it quickly turns victorious once again. After which interplays between the violin and the flute ensues. Then cute chromatics from the orchestra and the same repetive lively rhythm brings the movement to a close with chords and the cello section sustains a G which leads to the next movement! Yes, connecting movements, so please don't be alarmed that I've only given an incomplete recording!

Eeek. I wonder if the above little note on Scottish Fantasy is appropriate or not. Perhaps its a mediocre attempt, I don't know lah. At least I'm TRYING.

About yesterday, nothing much. Other than rehearsal, being held back by Andris and irritating her... Erm. Watching TV and

Finally feeling much better. Thanks everyone for the concern, I've pulled through this stupid moment of darkness. Hope I don't ever wander back into it again.

And I shall now reply tags here! To prevent clogging up my own tag-board. Should have done this a long time ago.

yongjing: Haven't put yet lah you. Evil little thing. Wanna see show you next yr lah! =P

yuleans: Haha! Thanks it doesn't bleed anymore only when I brush my teeth! Ow! Hahahaha.. Yeah take photos heh. Blue eh? I was thinking white, but we'll see!

eileen: Nope it don't hurt no more! Thanks! But I'm fine now. There was nothing to confide really, cuz there was no problem at all I was just over reacting to things! But thanks once again, really!

zhouZZZ: Yep have linked you!! Take your time blogging! It's for yourself, most importantly, not for other people!

andris: Poke Back!!! You!! Always bullying me!! Raah! Hahahahha! Yeah ok, take more photos! With your phone then we can all peer in your message inbox then I tell my M who tells your M yadda yadda. =D Kidding!

bev: Hello BEV!! Hahaha! A's over happy liao! Heh! You smile too yeah! =)

Last of all. Its not hard. Really is not hard. I was worried about sending the wrong messages, about you being angry. But Now that I know you don't feel that way, it's great! Thanks for understanding. Yes GREAT friends we'll be. =)

I realise I'm being a hypocrite. What the hell there really isn't anything to be frustrated about!!! Okay? Now that I've put it down in black and white I presume this will be the end of the recent period of nonsense.

Like I said a long time ago: I don't care how anyone cares for me. What I do care is how much I care for the other. It's a scary thing. Things only start to hurt if it matters too much. If you grab a rose by its thorns, simply, it'll hurt! Bad. Let go a bit, and let it grow. If its yours, you'll get it sooner or later.

Applies to so many things in life, huh.

About yesterday... Yawn, stretch.

Woke up in the morn, watched TV again...

Had lunch then went out to meet Tan Hui, Xun Long, Fang Zhou. Walked around Heeren, Plaza Sing and then took a train to Bugis, letting the girls try out prom night stuff... Hahaha in the end they got fed-up and decided to just "buy shoes from BATA". Haha... BATA= Buy And Throw Away, for those of you who haven't noticed. Heh heh.

Bought honey sticks! No, correction, Fang Zhou bought me a honey stick! =D

OH!! Tried out the viola Judy's been telling me all about at Music Essentials. At first it was... Bad. Sound was soft, muffled, unclear. Liked some other cheaper model better until Mr Chua (I think) redid the tail-piece. Gosh it made a hell of a difference. Now the tone is rich, whole, clear, and most importantly... DARK. Yes, I like that dark, growling, guttural tone. Heh.

Alright enough for now. Gotta run.

I don't want to hurt you anymore. I really can't give you what you're giving me. I'm not a heartless animal, I knew a long time ago. It's just that... I can't. I can't give it to you. Or anybody else I guess. Not for now. Not for a long time.

Am I introverted or extroverted? I don't really know anymore. Hell of a personality I have. I thrive and flourish in the presence of others, riding on their laughter and happy smiles. But I ask you this:

Have I really told you, or anyone, anything, just ANYTHING about myself, besides those funny embarassing things in the past?

I realise I never share my burdens and problems with other people, but I do that exact thing for anyone who comes to me.

Am I boasting? I'm just saying the truth. Testify for me, please.

What am I doing?? Things are becoming a complete mess now and I have to reassign my sights to the right things. I'm increasingly doing more and more things that I don't want to.

Maybe I'm just scared of people now...

And one other thing:

Things in life are just like that. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, what ever blood sweat and toil you put into anything... As long as at the crucial moment, that split second, just one screw-up and it will cost you everything.

Just one.

And you can guess how painful that is. Maybe some of you won't understand this yet, but I don't want any of you to anyway. Learn this lesson quick.. And don't make mistakes.. Life is unforgiving, you should know that.

Hey.. Don't really feel like blogging much.. I don't know why. There's nothing good to blog about anyway, to remember. I seem to remember all the WRONG things. And whatever that's good, whatever that's right, whatever that's true, never fails to slip from my mind into the unreachable depths of my mind, waiting to be brought to light again, to guide me once more..

I guess I'm just afraid that everything will come CRASHING down on my head, proving to me once more that my heart has made a wrong choice like I have all my life.. I haven't been this way in so long. SO LONG. And I'm not gonna start now.

Away.

A way.

Open wounds never heal if you keep poking at them. Sometimes there is no wound, but with our continually fretting, we hurt OURSELVES, opening a wound that never was there. It's something we'll all do well to learn.

TUESDAY

I plucked out a tooth. Had a surgery. This whole braces process is costing my family almost $5000. Now, that is ALOT of money and I feel the loss too. And I'm not exactly happy about it cuz it's not like I'm having an exhilarating hell of a time during this long, drawn-out process of 2 years... My JC life. I don't know.

I remember the anaesthetic squirting outta my mouth when they poked it into my gum... Then they covered my eyes with lotsa of cloth and they kept scraping the gums like banana peel and using the drill and lotsa struggling with a pair of heavy duty pliers. Of course it didn't hurt but towards the end it started to so they injected mroe anaesthetic.

Whole disgusting process took 1.5 hours and my face swelled for the whole day, left side of the mouth was completely numb as well. Couldn't feel a thing. It bled like crazy for really long.

Went home to rest and went out again in the night for a rehearsal at ZhaoHan's place. I already had dinner at home but he actually took away for me. I couldn't eat cuz it hurt my "tooth" bad.

Even now... It bleeds everytime I eat, wash my face, or brush (!!!) my teeth. And it itches all the time, and even aches. Stinks, I tell you. Trying to get used to the fact that I'm a wayyyyy SLOW eater now.

Sighs.

WEDNESDAY

Morning went to ZhaoHan's place again to rehearse... Played Little Fighter (!!!) for a while. Rehearse rehearse rehearse. Things fell apart. People got mad. Jumped onto ZH mom's car, went to YMS. We were late. Skipped dinner. Met up with friends before the concert. Last minute decision to drop POOR Jon Lim. Showtime. Was screwed quite bad in my opinion from the bottom of my heart. Took a few photos.

Gave Andris a lift home. That was probably the happiest thing that happened that day. Just sat at the back of the car and talked pretty much a lotta nonsense. Which is fun really if you're really into it.

Thanks lah k, that's just what I want to say. Appreciate it a lot. And I don't know, just don't know what to say, what to do, how to thank you... I don't know how to repay everything that you've given and I doubt I can... And I feel bad because I can't. I'm afraid of being too important to anyone cuz I'll only let you down. To you, fang.

THURSDAY.

Nothing much. Spent the whole day watching She4 Diao1 Ying1 Xiong2 Zhuan4 (The Story of The Hero Who Shot Condors). Nice. Quite fun. Then practiced a bit and went rehearsal. That's all.

Learning lessons at rehearsal now. Learning lessons that I thought I'd learnt but haven't. Reiterating my attitude.

Gotta go. For some reason Mom's not angry. What's her problem.

My post is dark.

Sorry. I've lost it.

Watched Harry Potter with Lenard today. Tried to find other people but we striked everyone off one by one from our phone call-lists until none were left... Complained it was gay but no choice, I wanted to get it over and done with.

So we went Westmall. I bought tickets and nachos and sprite and waited for a while then he came... The usherer was talking rubbish about the show being started already but actually it wasn't. Just those advertisements things. Talk nonsense right.

So about the movie... It was over and done with too fast I guess, and they didn't really follow strictly to the book, meaning not including everything. In fact, they EXcluded ALOT. Like... I remember Sirius Black dying? And Dumbledore having a showdown with Voldemort? Things like that. So many many things weren't there, but I guess there just wasn't enough time in a movie to stuff everything in.

So I'd say it was a very good summary of the book, a skeletal version. Not very comprehensive for those who haven't read the book, and previous ones as well. But overall, it was quite captivating. Nice graphics and choreography, spectacular scenery, meticulous detail in props, and very very humourous dialogues. Overall, quite a good job done and you should all catch it I guess.

I thought the movie was more of Hermione-Harry, not Hermione-Ron? Or Hermione-Harry-Ron. I don't know, don't really care. Just know Hermione=CHIO. Hermione-Tiappy would be best.

Kidding. Tahtah!

Yesterday's rehearsal was bad. Very bad. I played badly, I did not listen carefully, I was too PROUD. And I'm not saying anything else.

But it was a real eye-opener. Saw what people my age are capable of. And when I think of myself. Hahaha. Long way to go, and I don't know if I'm ever going to get where I want to be.

Where do I wanna be anyway?

It's so hard to pen down my ideas. They're overflowing in sudden bursts that come to mind that I just want to hum it out but it isn't enough. So work I shall.

I have a few things to say.

Firstly I'm still in awe of last night's performance, and I have re-kindled my love my Tchaik's Piano Concerto. But at the same time I feel it quite unfair to keep harping on another piece, when my blog is playing a different one. It's definitely NOT doing Bruch's Scottish Fantasy any favours. It's a great piece too. But well, can't help it. I'm too blown away.

Secondly, about the Chaconne quartet. I'm not pointing fingers, cuz I don't want to blame anybody. But I feel that this whole thing is too rushed, and we youngsters simply cannot rush rehearsals. We lack the charisma, style and skill that professionals have. I quote one particular musician who I overtly admire, "The reason why youth orchestras sound so much better than professional orchestras sometimes, is because the PRACTICE so much."

So you see? Us youths CANNOT run away without practicing. Anyhow I hope we'll pull this off. It at YMS Auditorium, 23rd November, next Wednesday, at 7:30pm. Admission: FREE. Come if you may, I cannot promise an outstanding performance on my part.

Thirdly, I have to constantly remind myself that I have a long long LONG way to go in all areas and so-called "strengths" that I possess. If my strengths are so weak, how useless am I? But I trust that it'll turn out for the better good. Someday.. Maybe. I will live up to what little I'm worth. And in the meantime, I take the left-overs, the things that other people despise. I accept, and I do not complain, cuz you know what? I believe that such lessons in humility will do me much good.

Fourthly, and lastly. Today has been a confusing day. On my part. I am confused with the way I think. Constantly, contrasting thoughts are entering my mind. I cannot be sure of what other people think. So you know what. Since my thoughts are the only things I can control, then control them I will. But I wonder if I will ever be weary of doing so? If one day I just choose to let it all go and let fate and other people decide my future, my life, my heart? It seems scary, but I'll let things take their course, and trust that things will go the right way. It's high time they did, after everything that I've been through.

There's only so much I control. And so much I want to know. Haha. I shall be comforted by the fact that what's meant to be unknown will remain so. What requires knowing will unfold itself for all to see. And that includes my thoughts and the things I feel.

So I wait.

Just got home from concert. I'm sorta in a stone mood. Just can't believe what just happened in the last 4 hours.

Let's just back track all the way before the concert.. This is just one day where I want to remember details.

I left the house early. Quite early. And went to coronation to get a buncha flowers for a few SSO people. Joint effort with Tiff. Haha. It took the florist pretty long to wrap everything up and I knew I was going to be late. Took another bus to Newton and ended up on the same train with Tiff, so she didn't kill me for being late, ha!

Looked pretty wacky carrying a bunch of sunflowers on bus and train huh. Haha I'm used to it... Better than a whole trash bag equivalent full at RJ the other time but that's the past.

Missed dinner. Scribbled a little note to Mr Foo (Say Ming) outside the stage door and when we went in to the gaurd, he told us that Karen, Tiff's ex-teacher had already gone in, cuz she was supposed to collect and pass the flowers. So we just got this other violinist whose name i dunno, and who was quite nice, to bring it in for us, yay!

So we walked to the Library and Tiff went toileting there after and I picked up a few recordings. Milstein's Brahms and Beethoven concerto, Hahn's Beethoven Concerto and some other one I can't remember. I just know its another Beethoven or Brahms concerto. I was at the B-section see? Haha!

Had only time to listen to Brahms by Milstein. Nice. But that's not the highlight.

Met Alan after a mad dash from Circle 2 to bottom, then up again.

Concert started a few minutes after time. But it's better for Alan.

The Little Match Girl Ballet Suite, Op.24, Huang An-Lun

Well I guess it was quite a nice piece. Its something new to my ears and well I'm someone who needs to listen to a piece repeated until I can appreciate it's worth. Except for pieces which I may classify as "great". Haha. But well, the beginning was quite messy I must say, but the orchestra came to it in the later half of the piece. I liked the brass entries when they weren't cracked or out of rhythm and tune. The melodies ranged from souful longing to somewhat-triumphant march. Liked the recurring motive that the violins played in the beginning, and at the finale. Alexander Souptel's solo was... Bad. At the beginning. Lacked vibrato and intonation. It was shaky and uninspiring. But he picked up and then his tone became sweet and charming. Phew. And the cellist...Nella Hunkins. Well she played almost flawlessly in all her solos. I only noted one out of place and failed-aiming slide, and that's about it for a whole 10minutes(?) worth of solos. A lush, wholesome tone. Wonderful vibrato, and such a powerful sound.

The Fairy's Kiss: Divertimento, Igor Stravinsky

Well, I think Alan insulted the westerner sitting in front of us when he blurted out, "I don't like this piece." And at that he promptly turned around and gave him a good hard stare. Haha! Well. I didn't take to this piece quite badly. I thought it was played pretty well. Wasn't played as precisely as the one before, but they still made it through, if I don't remember wrongly. Though the tunes were unfamiliar and hence quite unmelodious, I have to admit that it was quite catchy, being passed around with variations from section to section. Hindered a bit by inaccurate entries, especially by winds, but it still went off pretty nicely, with an unexpected final chord.

Intermission

Met up with Calvin and Kevin. Calvin changed ahem?? Haha! =P kidding here. Well. Was just talking idly about whether or not to go RISE concert which I'm almost up to the point of boycotting altogether because of their lacklustre enthusiasm in attending our own performances. Heh. We deserve more public attention, especially after our last effort. But of course all things are unfair, and everything's got something to do with politics and social-status and popularity. We've go the shorter end of the stick, so we live with it right? Humph. Even so I am not content with such an arrangement.

Tiff bought the most expensive Sprite in her life. $3. And I drank some of it. =D Alan and Kevin did too!! *Points fingers*

Now then the much awaited:

Piano Concerto No.1 in B-flat minor, Op.23, Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky
Soloist: Yefim Bronfman

I was completely blown away, as I've told a number of people. The 3rd movement ended with me quivering at the knees. It's the first time I've actually gone weak just listening to someone play. Inspiring. Magical. Stupendous. It was terrific I tell you. And I've come to look at the concerto in an entirely different light, along with the instrument and its abilities.

Astounding really. Bronfman took it at breakneck tempo, driving the orchestra, urging it on in its spurs till it reached its limits right from the very opening crashing piano chords. He plonked away octaves as if it were child's play, fingers moving at such incredible speed I just saw blurs at the keyboard. It was really... So... Unreal, inhuman. I know. Divine. What can I say. His abilities are profound to the extend that it is indescribable.

The opening by the orchestra horns was a failure and a let down to Bronfman, but I believe it was he who picked up the orchestra and moved them along with his skill and musicality. A bit messy and unstable in the opening part of the first movement, but thereafter it was perfect, or near it. Everything just went right. It was record-worthy. The grandeur of the first movement was stunning.

The second movement opened with a quite bad flute solo... But again Bronfman came and saved the day after picking up the motive from the section. And thereafter it was a sweet, sweet performance of the second movement. The light-tinkling of the piano and romantic melodies of the orchestra were a sweet refreshment of the heaviness and density of the first.

The third movement and all its triumph!! Oh my goodness. The speed Bronfman took was unbelievable. And he rendered the main motive over and over again with such precision and musicality! Save for the first time when one note went astray. But that was all, and all I saw was a splendid, solid, perfect rendition of Tchaikovsky's First Piano concerto. Even before the final chord, when the last note of the piano was swallowed up by the great chorus of the orchestra, variating the main theme into magical, glorious, triumphant ending that overrides the senses, the audience broke into tremendous applause with such gratitude of a titanic piece unfolded by one of music history's titans itself. And we clapped and clapped and we just wouldn't let him go till he'd played two encore pieces, after being nudged by Lan Shui to go ahead. It was the longest ovation I have ever seen in my life, abd he deserved it, totally, if not even more. I am inspired and astounded by such skill that I shall deem as unmatchable until I have the fortune, if ever, to see a performance even more splendid than what Yefim Bronfman has put up this memorable night.

My salutes.

Miscellanous stuff: I notice the cute way he kicks up both legs at the ending of each piece that he played with crashing chords, and the way he lifts his hand up and brings it down with such power and force when he does so. Haha! And his wavy hair that flies up as well. Too bad he's losing that hair. Haha! And he's aged alot and grown a bit wider than he looks on the photo! Also Alan mentioned he doesn't look too friendly in person. But a great performance makes up for eveything. Also, he looked a teeny bit exasperated when he just kept our applause going and going and wouldn't let him go home. Needed a few urges by Lan Shui to give us encores as well. Haha! Personality! We were talking about clapping until he went on his knees and begged us to let him go home.

=D

After the concert, hung around to catch a close-up glimpse of him. Got Nick my senior (who I've forgotten??) who was in the queue to autograph his programme booklet for me. Heh. All the CDs were sold out already. Actually it was Tiff who got him to do it for me. Haha. But she still gave me the booklet and she didn't get one herself cuz he only signed one?! That's so nice lah! Yay!! Its on the computer table in front of me now...

So then waved her goodble and went to Haagen Daaz and bought a double scoop of icecream with Alan. Toffee creem and Cookies n Cream. The toffee is GOOD! Should have bought a double scoop of that and screw the cookies cream. Haha! Took a lift to Upper Bukit Timah Rd from Alan's dad, and took bus home from there. He gave me some bread thingies with prawns which I gobbled cuz I had had no dinner, and ran through the rain home.

And here I am.

Other things: Practiced for the longest I've ever had today. Haha. Whee!
Didn't have a proper meal at all today, boo...
Haha.

Spent 1hour and 15min on this post.

But its worth it.

All hail Bronfman.

I just don't get it all you guys.

After months upon months of whining and complaining about how tough school is, how you're all so fatigued with mugging, barely half way through the holidays and you're all complaining about nothing to do, being bored and there're even punks saying that they can't wait for the holidays to END??? Yeah. I just don't get you. It's this very light feeling of the knowledge that you have no responsibilities to bear that makes the holidays what it is, don't you understand? You never learn to appreciate the things that are in front of you. You're driven by your mundane and worthless thoughts of a better tomorrow when there is SO MUCH in front of you. I can tell you now that if you continue like this, this feeling of exasperation and frustration that you've been feeling for so long will never cease and will get more intense and harder to cope with, EVERY passing day of your LIFE.

I assure you.

Wake up.

Wow that post on Scottish Fantasy took quite a bit of time. Heh.

Today's viola lesson was quite fun, talked quite a bit of gossipy stuff. Heh heh. Then I played surprisingly quite ok-ly for Milhaud's La Parissiene. What can I say about the piece... I think its making a viola sound like a violin. That's not good, simply because it doesn't bring out the best in a viola, unlike Schubert's A minor Sonata. Its so much harder that Milhaud in terms of style and tone, technical things aside.

Haha I'm getting music-y again.

Anyway because of chatting, lesson was extended till almost 2hours. Yeah!! At least I'm starting to play a bit better, not that loserfied lessons I've been having all year.

So there's nothing much except... Monday went to see the orthodontist. Crap I'm going to wear braces. All the way through JC life. Urgh!! Infuriating!! Sigh. Well I'm gonna pluck out one tooth next Tuesday. Sobs.

After that followed mom around Chinatown to look for shoes. She finally found one Nike model she liked and bought it at Westmall that night.

Yesterday went out to town, Wheelock's NYDC and had lunch with Judy and Jon Lim!! Haha whee! Judy's treat. Yum! Had Hawaiin baked rice and the mudpie with loadsa oreo and chocolate, can't remember the weird weird names. Heh.

Then me and john went to his place to put his viola down. We ended up practicing a bit of Mendelssohn E minor's octaves part in the first page. Heh. My octaves are quite bad now after not practicing.

Not that they were any good in the first place, but they're worse now, so you can imagine. =)

So. Then we walked over to Cine to meet Jun Hong. He'd been waiting for us for like one hour plus already and he whined quite a bit about. Johnny got pissed with me cuz I walked too far ahead and left him alone so he took quite some time to get to Cine. Heh.

Took a one trip MRT from Somerset to Dhoby Gaut and went to this place beside Paradiz and lanned. Haha. CS and a bit of 1v1 DOTA which was quite boliao but oh well, it'll make do.

Then took bus, john and jun went to jun's house, and I went to meet mom near Bukit Timah Market and then went to Beauty World again to meet dad for dinner, bro joined us after.

So that's a by and by account of my life. Not that its very interesting but the primary purpose is for ME. For me to remember what I've been doing all my life! Aint that cool. 20 years from now I can access this site and read every thing that's been happening to me.

Great.

Have changed to Max Bruch Scottish Fantasy, played by (of course,) the great Jascha Heifetz.

Real name: "Fantasy for Violin and Orchestra and Harp freely using Scottish Folk Melodies, in E-flat Major,Op.46"

Like Alan, put it,

"It's a nice piece, but no one plays it cuz its very ULU (malay; in this context means: UNKNOWN).

But I implore you to listen to this. The beginning may sound boring to you, if you may, but look deeper, and see and feel the intense pain that Heifetz's harsh tone brings out so effectively and heart-wrenchingly. You can almost visualize the tears flowing from the violin... Even the very first note of the solo violin... The B natural... The way it creeps in so softly, silently... The loneliness and the solitude that Heifetz portrays bring goose bumps everytime, without fail.

The trill gives way ends the introduction with a sense of acceptance somewhat, transforming the tragic opening to a romantic, folksong-like theme that fully does the "Scottish" title due explanation. The preceding harsh, edgy tone is immediately transformed, becoming lush, sweet and whole. It descends into intense longing in parts here and there, but most of it represents poise and dignity. I'd like to visualize a gentleman strolling through the rolling meadows of Scotland, now and then recounting bygone loves when coming across ruins of once magnificent castles, and noting his loneliness when he does. All this Heifeitz gives to his listeners, almost flawlessly, with such grace and style, and needless to say, technique, that no other soloist has managed for this particular piece. It is because of his Scottish Fantasy that I've come to truly appreciate his immense worth as a musician.

The other movements of course are worthy of your listening to, as well. But I chose the first because of its musical worth, and tragicness, and its amazing charm.

It is no wonder that this is undoubtedly the best recording of Bruch's Scottish Fantasy.

The first movement, Adagio cantabile, comes from the popular 18th century tune, "Through the Wood Laddie," possibly McGibbon's version. The original tune has a typical baroque flavor, using the old pentatonic scale. Bruch transforms it into a lush, romantic melody by employing double stops and the key of E-flat major. This tune is often misidentified as "Auld Rob Morris," one of the traditional tunes Bruch arranged for voice and piano in his Twelve Scottish Songs of 1863.

http://www.rachelbarton.com/mus_notes.htm
http://www.sheilascorner.com/scot.html

Everyday, its still the same.
I wake up to an insane mess
Crazy rantings, mad disputes,
They cut the soul with great finesse.

It carries on, it never stops
Even for the wee bit rest
To rebuild what is torn and lost
It breaks up ties with frenzied zest.

Believe me as I say aloud
I will never be as one like you
You never think if every word
Contains what's right, reflects what's true.

Lies and wrath are all I see
Deep down in your tormented mind
But you just wish not to admit
What you lack you cannot find.

So now, you lash, you lose control
You think that you're the only one
Who has to work, who has to slave
Who has to bear the burning sun.

You think the world is against you now
But isn't it the other way round
You curse and swear what you cannot change
It slowly eats, and tears you down.

So now you end up convincing yourself
That you are the only righteous man
It is such a despicable lie
But you never try to understand.

You are blinded by your futile thoughts
Of wrath and anger, hate and scorn
To have your own back, to take control
Your very life you have torn.

Roses wilt and violets go
The rain will fall, the wind will blow
Standing here, alone I seem
Time, it flies

I hope, I dream.

I must say humanities in celebration was quite a flop... On the first day, everyone was bored, no one really listened. But thought O'connor was quite ok, except there was this guy who I recognize from NYPS, but dunno the name.. He was asking tonnes of stupid questions over and over again and trying to act smart but it turned out the wrong way I guess and he ended up looking quite stupid.

Went to Beauty world after the first day (Monday) and tried to find good comp games with a few other classmates but ended up empty handed except for the McFlurry. Watched them hop on a bus to Bukit Panjang Shopping centre...

Hmm.

Second day was no better, and I skipped the whole thing. Was in the orch-room practicing, and after that just played chamber at the reception, it was quite fun sight-reading violin 2 and viola scores all over again. Hahaha! And had quite a lotta fun. Some Australian guy, Carey came over and repaired the darn harpiscord. Learnt a lot a lot! Haha and it was fascinating to watch as well! Nice guy, him. Apparently the harpsi isn't worth 18k. And its in really bad shape because of bad handi-work and humid weather and weak glue.

Hmm.

I think because of flying soccer balls and tennis balls as well. ;)

Wednesday was viola lesson day. Had quite a good lesson in a really really long time. And I mean really really long. Didn't go for lesson in such a long long time! Cuz of going overseas and everthing.. And exams too.

Today was fun! Went out in the afternoon remade my EZ-link card then pooled with Yuan Hao and I was super lucky!! Really really lucky, kept getting lucky shots. Haha... And he was quite frustrated. Heh heh. ;P

Then had rehearsal and just had a lotta fun joking around lah, really really funny. Rocks man, seriously. And Glazunov is GREAT. Ike is great. Yeah. Pity I don't think I'll be playing in it, much as I may want to. Hmm.

Yeap so I'm back home and I think I'll go bathe.

Skips off to bathroom.

Well hello world. I'm at my Grandma's place now. Walked around Queensway Shopping Centre for 4 hours just now and guess what. Bought absolutely nothing. Ah well. At least I hope this kinda thing won't happen too often. I've got a life to catch, and I don't need any obstructions. Last 2 months of this kinda childish, early teen madness already.. And after that.. I guess things will just keep falling until I reach adulthood, and be grown up before I know or want it.

Bleah.

Like someone who really matters to me said once, "Tiap Yang, stay young at heart."

I don't ever want to do the things that other people have done to me, the shit that everyone puts others through. I wanna give Life, strength and hope.

I wanna give Love.

Nothing much to say here.. Except been having loads of fun slacking around ever since. Woke up early today to gatecrash Lenard's house to play comp, PS2 that kinda thing. Crap-plonk around on the piano and when the blackout came, no choice, play snap. Hahaha! I won I won! I'm not stupid, I'm not stupid!!

=)

Had breakfast at Farrer market by the way.

Went to Orchard after, waiting on the stairs for Jon Lim. I must say we looked like bloody bengs lah, I mean that's what they do right. Just need the empty Tiger Beer bottles and poison-filled cigarettes stuffed in our mouths and nostrils.

Hmm.

Went ate Burger King at Cine, and talked a lot a lot of shit. Just talk nonsense the whole time lah, but its fun. Tis is mates. Then tried to find things to do, walked all over the place. No LAN, no bowling, no pool, no movies. NOTHING, ZILCH. Urgh, not a good day as Lenard put it. So time came when we just had to split and go home. Haha. Wasted trip I must say.

Notice that now Orchard has ALOT of MUGGERS. Some people pop outta nowhere and start begging you to do surveys, donate money to self-philandering organizations. Hmm. Day-light robbery of time and money. It's not legal right, right? I don't think so.

Haha.

Tah for now.

Hello. Long absence. But Chinese is over. Over. You know what that means? I don't think I needa say. Haha! Whee ha.

Sweet

Smell

Of

Freedom.

Can you smell it? Its distinct fragrance. It wafts through the air, infiltrating every corner of the Earth, filling your heart and mind with a sudden clarity and discernment that the chains that once held you back are broken. Broken! Do you not see and understand this great gift? This privelege. This grace.

Enjoy every moment of it while it lasts my friends! To wallow in the knowledge that tomorrow there are no deadlines to meet, no responsibilities to bear.

Whoo hoo.

=)

Ah well.

Anyway. I for one found the Chinese paper just.. Okay. I mean. My Chinese lousy lah, ok ok?

Heh!

Man. I'm starting to swear like I'm in the army again. Not here of course, lest I get sued.

Squints. Shall catch up on sleep I've been collectively losing since... One month ago. A bit more even, I think.