It's 1am and I gotta wake up at 630am and I don't know why I'm doing this to myself.

Plagued by guilt, plagued by self loathing. It's something that I probably will have to struggle with for the rest of my life. And I just don't know why I have to do this when it's a moment in my life when I'm supposed to feel the most happy.

Bible study said that God makes us wait to reveal the evil in our hearts to us. And damn is that man right. I guess my lack of faith and refuge in Christ has been put on display before my very eyes right now.

And all I can do is smile because they're not my problems. But I make them my problems and I don't know why I do I just do and I wish I could take it all away. I wish God will take it all away but it's there.

Argh.