Your affection is just superficial, your love just on the surface. You barely know me, you've never seen me once in your life. Yet you pretend to care so much.

Or is it real?

How do I tell why don't you show me.

Not that it matters.

But.

And you. Why do I have a feeling all you care about is looks. You just want someone to be there for you? But have you any idea that I can't give you that. Hell I can't solve a single one of your problems. All I can give is encouragement that any other tom dick and harry can give. We've grown so distant over the years do you even remember the last thing I said to you face to face. Cuz I can't.

Think it over.

And YOU. Wonderful YOU. I don't care how YOU feel about me. I care what I feel about YOU. I don't want to care too much I don't want to fall too deep. I don't want or need anything from you. I just choose to give what I want to give.

I've grown up. At least a little.

Sweet 16.

Can't believe its still there.. Go away. You're just lies.

I lost something. Sigh.

Was sitting on the bus after dinner with my wonderful friends when I realised something. Was about… 8:40pm? Anyway. Maybe I’ve been putting it off for awhile but I’m quite positive – I’ve done it again. After all my crapping around and playing and waving off everything… I’ve done it AGAIN. Why I don’t know. How it happened I don’t know. Thought I wouldn’t ever have the ability to do it again but wowee. Dunno whether to be happy or sad, to laugh or cry, to face reality or run from it. And which option is running away, or facing it, anyway? I have no idea. But well. Like Lipton, good things grow.

I hope bad things don’t.

Good thing I'm still in control of SOME things. SOME. Hope I won't lose it though or I'll die and history will repeat itself and I can just go play in traffic. Whee. Tiap Yang prata. How gruesomely attractive. I choose to die by a army truck, cuz army trucks look cool. Wanna be a driver for NS! So I think I shall go and fake some sorta chronic illness in NS BMT. Then if I pull it off I can drive!! FREE driving lessons!

But I still love vans though.

Aha. Ranting. Hohum.

Bye bye.

How do you handle a heart?

Heyy.. On the comp. Slacking, working on ACE 'projects'. Actually its more of ctrl+c & ctrl+v jobs lah anyway. Hahaha.. Hohumm. Nothing to say.. Just don't know whether I'm over-committed.

Commitment? A dangerous thing. So many many many things have happened that really make me think so hard before I put my efforts and emotions on the line. Was in a dilemma and I finally decided.. Maybe I'll just let myself go one more time. And trust. And not to look back at all the failures staring at me like statues stuck in the limbo of my memory. It's all I can do to stop turning around and looking at them, and to prevent these episodes from ever happening again. Beyond that.. I really don't know whether I can cope with one more statue..

But I decided what the heck. I'm too soft anyway to be heartless like what I wanted. And. Its too much work to do so in the first place. Also, you wouldn't ever really feel any real satisfaction in whatever you do if you don't put in all you've got, relationships, projects, concerts, competitions, the like.

So. Here I go again. I'll just let things take their course.. There're some things that you just don't control, just let what's meant to be happen. I guess. I think. I hope.

Mmmhmmm. Dropped the NUSSO thing. Feel bad. About two things. I gave such late notice, lenard being lonely and THE MONEY. So make that three things can't be bothered to backspace anymore needa work.

So I've REALLY been slacking here. Wanna catch Kingdom 'o heaven and STarwars. I need money. Any sponsors? Aha.... Yay sweet sixteen.

Been thinking about changing blog skins.. But.. Nah. Don't think so. No point. No time. Haha. And I don't like what it symbolizes anyway.

So. Hear me ramble. I HATE trojan horses. Been hit twice in under a month. Screw the Greeks. Ok. Out of point.

Ate ice-cream yesterday! At Venezia's. Haha.. Nice nice and I've got more ice-cream waiting in the fridge.

Right hand's got a problem. Think I spiccatto too much. Or maybe I'm doing it wrongly. Anyhow will find out tomorrow at lesson.

Sabbaticals week. Slack. yayee. Needa chock up ACE points larh darn it.

Oh man. Future looks.. BUSY.