It's 1am and I gotta wake up at 630am and I don't know why I'm doing this to myself.

Plagued by guilt, plagued by self loathing. It's something that I probably will have to struggle with for the rest of my life. And I just don't know why I have to do this when it's a moment in my life when I'm supposed to feel the most happy.

Bible study said that God makes us wait to reveal the evil in our hearts to us. And damn is that man right. I guess my lack of faith and refuge in Christ has been put on display before my very eyes right now.

And all I can do is smile because they're not my problems. But I make them my problems and I don't know why I do I just do and I wish I could take it all away. I wish God will take it all away but it's there.

Argh.

I may not do well in exams. So what, I may be stupid.

But don't make a fool of me.

Spending coin to gain coin.

To hedge a bet.

Take a leap of faith!

Let your wager spur you onwards into a battle of blood and glory !

The reason why we all need Captain Underpants:

When the temperature plummets lower than Liverpool and Feyenoord have been in their respected leagues, what keeps us truly warm?

When you get all hot and bothered and sweaty from a heart pumping, breath taking run who's there to keep you dry and prevent groin abrasions?

When all you need is a friend to be there no matter what situation you're in. No matter how much of an embarrassment you are. Who's been there through it all?

And who accepts you without qualm even after knowing your every innermost detail? Flaws and all?

CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS!

We love you!

ON MY WAY!

You move on like the wind.

And how does the wind smell?

Of every rose's petal it has caressed.

What's the point of having stuff you're not good enough for?

Go do your work and be worth something.

no more obsessing about HTC Desire. Sadly, I let you go.

No regrets at all. Scratchbirds are strong creatures.

Money doesn't grow on trees.

Well until you become a cardiac surgeon it fucking doesn't.

So stop obsessing.

One more BAN: EBAY.com

Goal.com/en restrictions will hereby be reduced to just the main pages WITHOUT READING INDIVIDUAL ARTICLES.

You really don't need a HTC Desire. Or a Blackberry Storm. You are still in your pre-clinical years. You will only need that connection Year 3 onwards when you have a patient lying on the bed with AMI and you need to surf wiki urgently to find out if you should first do an ECG or totally freak out and cry for momma.

FROM NOW ON:

NO MORE YOUTUBE (WITH EXCEPTION OF EVERY SINGAPOREAN SON), FACEBOOK (AT MOST 5MIN PER SESSION TO WISH HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND REPLY TO IN BOX WITH ABSOLUTELY NO CLICKING ON PROFILES/PICS/VIDEOS), GOAL.COM/EN (ARSENAL HAS NO HOPE THIS SEASON ANYWAY)

FUCK YOU PROCRASTINATION FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. YOU HAVE NO MROE CONTROL OVER MY LIFE. NO FUCKING MORE.

What do you do when you lose your drive?

Doing a quick google search, the first thing that pops up is...

Memorable quotes from Fight Club (1999) starring a certain Brad Pitt and Edward Norton.

"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."
"When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just... waiting for their turn to speak."
"Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments?"

Wake up.

Fuck what's the point in moping. Can't change shit.

Overwiring the nervous system's stress response kills you.

I sometimes misquote Craig Hassed.

Yay. First quartile but I'm not sure if I can maintain it.

Neuroplasticity. The ability of the brain to change.

Take a little trip with me, in my endless circle.

I've been here before, yet I haven't. Every step takes me to a different place, yet its all the same the same the same.

The chiming bell, the weeping infant, the saviour hanging on the cross.

Why are you here, I think I know.

Your skeletons in the closet, they're banging to be let out.

All you'll ever be is what make yourself out to be.

Only you will know.

Back from a Rural holiday. It has been truly awesome, such a fun experience.

Much thanks to Chris and Amber for adding lots of extras into the itenary that made the 4hour train journey totally worth the while. After getting to know Swan Hill to a more intimate degree, I think Kenny, Brandy and me will come back to do at least a short stint with no qualms at all. Hopefully there's a chance.

Without venturing too deep into details:

1. Free and Easy in the town
-crossing over to new south wales
-getting to know a town that has much to offer
-shopping in Jayjay's

2. Farm visit
-wonderful saxon-marino sheep
-insights on wool processing

3. Bed and Breakfast
-scones by the lake

4. Hospital visit
-inspiring words by an obstetrician about the importance of loving what you do

5. Art Gallery
-cake and coffee in a exquisitely decorated cafe

6. Pioneers Settlement
-a pleasant open air ride through the rain with cringeingly cheesy music

7. Attachment to District Nursing
-an awesome 6 hour trip though the country
-getting kissed by a 100yr old lady with loads of stories to tell
-lunch treat to a mixed grill

8. Federal Hotel
-$5 parma
-Free coffee and cake

9. Winery
10. olive farm

What a week.