Hello. These few days been hectic for me.. Just woke up finally not feeling like there're two-tonne weights hanging on my eyelids.. At least all the studying, the late nights, the pain and suffering.. Its all paid off. But what the hell. I don't know how much of this I can take.. Getting that bloody A takes up SO MUCH of you. Don't really care if I top the class. I just wanna be normal.. Happy. With my friends around me to pull me through with their laughter and smiles.. And really being my gaurdian angel for me when I really really need it? Yeah you know who you are! Chances are you won't even read this. But all the same. Take care and love you loads!

Anyhow. Maybe this is just the push I need to maximise my full potential. Adults throughout my life have been telling me to over and over again.. But can't you see I just wanna be happy and do the things I wanna do in life? All I wanna do is scrape through and nothing else matters.. Haha.. But now.. I guess I wanna do this cuz.. Cuz.. I dunno. Just feels really nice to do well..

Then again maybe I'm just lucky this term lah.

SYF.. What to say? I think we were expecting too much. With all the chanting "Beat RI, thrash RI, get gold with honours".. Hmm. Personally I knew that was never ever going to happen. Just kept silent and watched everyone being overwhelmed by their own fantasies.

Gold? Hmm. I wouldn't say I'm satisfied. But I wouldn't say I'm unhappy about it either. I dunno but there're just so many mixed emotions on the thing.. Yeah it was a relief cuz we played so badly as a whole.. But there was also the knowledge that we could have done much much better. But one thing I'm sure of.. Is that I'm proud of the work we've put in. Especially. My wonderful violas!

Haha.. I bet some of you are sniggering right now and thinking I'm just trying to boast about myself. But hey. I don't mean that ok. As far as I'm concerned I've done a pretty lousy job as section leader always slacking during sectionals, going late for rehearsals, yadda yadda the list goes on. But what I wanna say is that I am so so proud of how my guys have worked so so hard. I'm proud of the way they came together after so many failed attempts and played.. Magic. I don't care what you say but I don't think even RI's viola section could have beaten ours.

They were fantastic. And that goes on to prove that hard work can do anything, no matter how impossible it seems. I'm proud to lead a group of such wonderful young people. Thanks guys, for everything.

Haha.

;)

Chug chug. Enough time wasted here already..

Everything's got its time and place. And mine definitely isn't in music. Was playing together with a wonderful group of talented friends when suddenly something just popped in my head : what the hell am I doing here?

I don't know. I feel like a fool! And I've gone through it in my mind over and over again. Is is to improve? No, I ain't getting anywhere? For contributing, putting in what I'm worth? No. As far as I'm concerned Im worth nothing.

For the love of music?

Aah. That would have been a good reason to keep me going. But now.. I've been cheated again and again by my own feelings and affections for music.. It takes up so so so much time, energy, emotions. I can't give anymore..

I think I'll be an engineer. Then I'll retire as farmer in Australia!! Yeah, that's nice. I'll go convince Lenard to farm with me. I like sheep and cows. Moo.

Hey.. Been busy.. So busy.. There's nothing much to talk about, really.. Just.. Day to day stuff.. How we play chess everyday in class, during recess, lunch, breaks. All that. Haha. How we poke fun at Kai Shin AKA Fatty Gooi, FATthew, MFF.. Haha..

Then of course there've been those wonderful concerts I've been playing at.. Hmm. To be exact.. 3 concerts, 2 masterclasses and one stupid auditionnn.. All the span of 4 weeks!! Haha.. What can I say.. Just that working hard together then showing it off.. Its fun lah. Wish I could do it every single day of my life.. But of course I've got other devotions.. Big ones, small ones. So. I don't know how to explain. But. You know. Its the "if it comes it comes, if it doesn't, who cares" kinda thing..

Don't have much time here.. I have other things to do. More important stuff that I've been neglecting. And I feel bad now. So I shall go now. And really talk things out this time.. And be me. Don't wish me luck cuz I don't need any k? Not that I'm that ego or anything. But everything lies in my heart and what I truly want. So yeap.

MRP's done by the way.. Ok. So I guess this is it.

Hello.. Haven't been around for like.. Ages. Yeah that's true I haven't been the real me for some time now..

Anyway.. I'm doing my MRP so off I go..

Quartet masterclass tomorrow. I wanna play well not cuz I wanna play for the concert but cuz I just wanna play well. Screw the Bengs. Idiots. String-pulling cheaters!! I may suck but I darn well know I don't suck as much as him!!!

Oh well.

=P

The sweet sound of music.. It drowns the soul. And its all I can do not to let it engulf me any further.. Its a constant struggle, even with the most mundane of things.. But fight I will cuz its the only thing I wanna do! Yes its the only thing that makes me happy as well.

Haven't been living up to my expectations.. Will try to again..

Have begun to finally let go of all things. Its not that they don't matter to me.. It does but I don't let it stay in my system. Just let go whenever it makes itself a burden. Cuz whether or not things are meant to be I'll just follow the path and everything's easy and simple!!

Saturday was a crazy day.. Saw Zhong Yu play during rehearsal and I was so stunned. Like.. How do you do that?!! Nevermind. Aiyo.. I was playing nonsense for the Sibelius! Must go and practise lah. Just a duty. Like mugging you know? That's your job, you just do it.

Then had the Casteels farewell dinner? Wasn't planning on going but went in the end cuz of circumstances.. After that gave Shaun and Alan a lift to my place. Met Kevin at bustop and Lenard at my gate.. And then had a quartet rehearsal until 10:30.. That's about 5hours of rehearsal? Haha. Still fun lah.

Yep. Stayed home sunday and studied. Did homework. Except for mass in the morning..

O's results today. So another half day.. Sat through bass sectionals and worked them a little bit. Haha, success! Yeah! Went for viola lesson in a cab. Judy wanted it really early so she gave me money to take cab. Then went back to school and deposited viola in orch room and retrieved my bag.

Met Zhaoying on the bus home!! Haha! So cool. Such a coincidence. Or was it. Heh heh. Went to Cheong Chin Nam and ate a little with him. Murtabak and pratas and tehcinno! Haha! Nice.

So I gtg. Spent enough time here already. Bye.

Hey..

Had Cross Country yesterday. Boy, did the organization really suck. Long walk in to Turf City, bought some musli bar thingy for lunch at 7-11. Nobody knew where to go so we just kept walking around in circles.. And there was this killer escalator. Once you went up you can't go down. You have to use the stairs and climb like 5 flights. Someone told us about it already but me, Cheng and Co, decided to have a look at it ourselves. Then we camped at the reception counter overlooking that escalator and watched innocent victims go up. Amid sniggering, of course. Then we saw HC's strings TIC!! She was with child ok, then she was going up.. Tried to go to her to warn her but I didn't make it in time.. She went up!! Dunno what happened to her after that but I sure hop she's alright..

My nice full bottle of Evian water which I bought at Giant was reduced to naught by wonderful classmates and consortium friends when I got to the upper level of the grandstands.. Oh well. Was just sitting around.. Then it was time for us to go for our run, BUT WE DIDN'T KNOW!! Haha! That was funny. Some of us sneaked into an elevator no one had found out about yet. Ha, don't needa use those crowded stairs. Then we started running 5minutes behind everyone. There were even more blur-er kings behind us!! Haha!

So the the whole cross country was more or less a walk.. Everybody was strolling happily along and choking up the road so even those who wanted to run couldn't. We ran most of the way, stopping at choke-points, which were pretty often. Then there was this long stretch where there weren't much obstructions so I just ran and ran then when I turned around I couldn't see Lenard or Nick or anyone else already. So I just walked along until they catched up! Haha..

It was quite fun lah, though there was a lot of sitting around.. Meeting up with seniors and friends. Watching weird people doing funny stuff. Eg running in one nice long row towards the finish point?! And linking hands and walking. Haha.. Then of course making fun at the posers who were wearing earphones during the run. Oh, and how could I forget Dao Teng. You really can't miss him. He is immense. So when I spotted him just in front I shouted, "OI!!! CANNOT LOSE TO DAO TENG!!!" Then everyone around me started running like mad!! Hahahaha!!

So that was yesterday. Bye bye.

Good start, bad progression. But let's end it with a bang shall we?

I wonder if I'm weird.

Haha. Well. You see. The things I say, that you don't understand, are for my own reference, and my post woudn't be complete without them because they matter so much to me. Ha. If you wanna find out why don't you just come up to me one day and ask and maybe I'd tell you. If you really want it? Haha. That's a very important condition or you'll be wasting your time. And mine.

Today.. Was. Okay. Physics. Not as well as I'd WANT it to be but of course its enough. Its just enough. Not too much or too little its just perfectly fits in the middle like all things. Yeah haha. Let's hope humans turns out fine then I can keep my butt in IP man Haha!

Oh then there was rehearsal.. And quartet after that then stayed back in the room and practised till quite late.

I seem to have more time now after the killer week of tests so its time to put this luxury to good use. So I shall skip this now and go, Bye x 2!

Hmm.. I was reading some blogs and I was just thinking about Valentines.

What difference does that day make?

Cuz for me its the same, just like any other day.

And everyday's a V-day for me cuz I treat everyone in my heart with as much love as I can every single day. At least that's what I try to do..

Just doing it on one day.. I just don't think its enough.

So I am working on it but sometimes I lose my focus because there are just so many distractions..

It's just so powerful. But I won't ever give in. Just get up and fight again. And grow.

Haha. =)

Anyway I just came home from town. Was at YMS having the quartet briefing. Geez. Wasted my time, but heck I didn't have much to do today anyway. Ate ban mian at bras basah kopitiam. Still feeling the pepper in my tummy! Heh.

I don't know about my results anymore. Everything's topsy turvy. I'm actually relying on PHYSICS to pull me up, BUT!!!! From all the feedback I'm getting from Mr Tieu's other classes.. Oh my darn gosh. Like, half the classes fail lah. And some poor guy got THREE out of 35.. I don't know anymore lah, but I know that I tried so I shan't worry about it. Chem's been a let down. Found one more mark which boosted me to an a2 but still.. It's not enough. Math. Don't have to say lah. Workings cost me everything. Carelessness also. Chinese. What can I say. Doing quite badly WITH flying colours. Same goes with Humans.

Alright alright I'm starting to sound like some depressed kid but I'm not CUZ:

Everyday is a new day and I renew myself.

Everyday is a beautiful day cuz I've seen real beauty.

Everyday fills me with happiness, though sorrow may engulf and try to overwhelm me.But it doesn’t work cuz I have one thing.

And whenever I lose my footing, its okay. Just renew my peace and fight again. No sweat!

There’s not point in being emotional anymore because.. It takes you absolutely no where.

Everyday is happiness.

Though I am weak, I will be made strong.

Grow everyday.

Hee. Everybody loves my commonwealth! Yay!

Yeah, I've uploaded Bruch!! So nice right.. Hahaha.. Played be Jean Sorrel. He screwed up one of the tenths.. Not a very good recording, but I don't really care lah. Still more pro than me so there's nothing I can't learn from it.

I finally decided to go Vienna after so many people pestered me to.. I dunno.. I mean.. I'm such a stupid person lah, I'd have to work really really hard if I were to miss a whole week of school.. I know it sounds SO NERDISH but I really AM THAT STUPID. Oh well..

Which makes me look at all the geniuses I'm surrounded and over-shadowed by. But all in time lah. There'll be the day when it'll be my turn to shine.

Okay.. So my last post got deleted. That's nice. Oh wells.

So I was on the phone with a friend.. Talking crap again.. Haha.. Quite funny. And was talking so much crap just now during quartet rehearsal as well. Hee. All my "gu niang" cues. Darn funny. Haha. Got home close to twelve.. Yawn. But its worth it. Really like these rehearsals a lot. And really appreciate it Shaun for coming over. You rock!

I learned about cyclones today in geography. I don't know but that seems to be all I can remember about school. And. I completed my chinese essay on time for the first time ever! Way cool. =D But the teacher is a little crazy though. Gives us SO MANY compos to do and stuff..

Think maybe I burned out an ameter today during physics prac. I left it in a short circuit for like so long unknowingly.. And when I plucked out the wire is was so HOT. And the plastic casing on the ends of the ameter had MELTED a bit.

Okay.. Wanna go now. Its late. I wanna sleep. I wanna reply messages I haven't replied.

Think I shall start this again.. But not long long crazy crazy ones like last time.. Mom is.. Aiyo.. Nevermind lah... Blowing up like dynamo man! Hahahaha! Hmmm.. CNY was okay.. But there're so many tests coming!!! Haiyo how to enjoy holidays like that man.. Haha.. Quartet rehearsals are darn fun. Cuz when you screw up there're only 4 people laughing at you (including urself).

I live in the Commonwealth. Let me introduce you to my family.

I, like the average Singaporean child, have two parents, one male and one female. Usually I refer to them as "dad" and "mom" respectively, but for the sake of being scientifically correct, I shall not hesitate to go into details. After all, "mom" and "dad" are not terms that can be found in the Oxford Encyclopedia of Human Anatomy.

Then of course I have a sibling. I absolutely have no idea which pronoun to address my sibling by. Namely because till this day I have not been able to differentiate my sibling’s gender. But since "he" is a gender-neutral pronoun I shall hereby commence in using the words "he", "him" and "his" in any instance in which he is involved.

The last occupation my father had was an elephant trainer at Murphy’s Wonderful Circus. His duties included feeding the elephants, washing and grooming them, and of course training them to do captivating stunts like back-flips and forward rolls.

My father immersed himself into his job, and frequently worked overtime. But because the circus had to shut its doors on customers and staff alike, at 9pm sharp everyday, my father had no choice but to bring the elephants home to work with. We live on the 4th floor of a high-rise apartment, so I figured out that the neighbours for a radius of 4 units around were not really happy with us. Which probably explains the curse-words written in marker-ink on the front door every morning without fail. It is a ritual for the first person who opens the door on mornings to retrieve the paper(sometimes in shreds), to paint the door over. Because of this daily procedure, the front door has actually grown thicker by about 3 inches.

My father has just lost his job recently. He chose not to convey to us the reason, due to Alpha male ego, but I think it was because of that night when he was teaching this elephant to do a back flip, and after several hours of seemingly futile effort, the elephant finally did it. The only drawback was that it had back-flipped right out of the living-room window. Dad got us all to go downstairs with him and help scrape the remains off the sidewalk with tablespoons.

So now my father mopes around at home, watching the Year 1999 PGA Golf Championships, which we caught on tape, over and over again. He tells us he’s going to be the next Vijay Singh, often while pretending to putt with mom’s frying pan and a Ping-Pong ball. Mom is not a single bit pleased about it.

Speaking of my mother, she used to be a full-time housewife. But since dad got fired she figured it was her opportunity to make a break and she has successfully landed a job as a secretary in Ali’s Trading Corporation. She has no knowledge on using a computer whatsoever, and definitely less so of Tamil, so how she managed such a feat like that I do not know. I suspect she is getting the help of an Indian neighbour living two blocks away.

Ever since mom got that job we have been eating leftovers every night. Mom has kept leftovers from dinners since approximately 9 years ago in the fridge. Whenever we confronted her about it she told us it was to prevent starvation should Singapore be involved in a war. After all, she tells us, its part of what the government tells us to do as our national defence. So now she’s telling us that she needs to clear out the fridge to renew our "war-provisions".

Now, I shall move on to my sibling. He is 3 years older than me and received his primary education in a mixed school, then moved on to an all-boys secondary school. However, what really had me puzzled was that he received tertiary education in an all-girl’s school. Which I thought was very strange. Later I found out from mom that my sibling had been born a boy, but the surgeon had assumed a particular organ as the umbilical cord, and thus there had been an operational accident. Though it was not fatal, but it did lead to very confusing consequences.

My supposed brother has a weird hobby. He enjoys picking his nose and storing the results in a bottle on his bedside table. If I remember correctly he started doing this when he was 9. Its been about 10 years now, and he’s almost filled the 1.5 litre Pepsi bottle. I think he’ll finish it in about 2 or 3 months time. He tells me that he will send it to Guiness’ World Records for the biggest bottle of snot. Too often does he take the bottle and show it off to us at the dinner table. On days which that happens mom will spend about 2 hours stuffing the leftovers in the fridge.

So that is a brief introduction to my family. My friends tell me that they are a deficit bunch but I still manage to get by with them around, so I think they’re okay.

The Spirit of Volunteerism is very much alive in Singapore. Do you agree?

For as long as I can remember, Singapore has been described as a cold, heartless society, devoid of compassion, love and kindness. Long have we been described as a country of self-obsessed individuals with room in our heads for only one thing: ourselves.

But all that has seemingly changed. If it takes a crisis to bring out the best in people, then I’ll be looking forward to more disasters like the recent Tsunami, which ripped across the Indian Ocean and killed more than 168,000 unsuspecting people from South-east Asia to Africa, with a gleeful smile. Yes. All it took was just one ripple in the ocean before we here in Singapore could liberate ourselves of our humiliating brand of selfishness, and showed the world that we do care. Never mind about the thousands massacred by the killer wave. They’re just unfortunate casualties.

We read the papers about Singaporeans spending their New Year holidays doing volunteer work, helping out the Tsunami victims. How so? By packing canned-food and used clothes other kind and compassionate Singaporeans have no use for. Since the oxford dictionary defines the word "waste" as objects "no longer useful and are disposed of", we could very well say that this thoughtful bunch of volunteers have spent their holiday packing other peoples’ trash. But all in the Spirit of Volunteerism, of course. It doesn’t really matter if we’re sending our trash to the victims, does it? At least we’re giving something, and the world should know.

It is indeed touching to see the number of volunteers rising in Singapore. And all the increment is originating from our young! This shows that our youth, as statistics say, around the age of fifteen, are showing an increased zeal to help out the less fortunate. That is good news for our country, and we should ignore the fact that the government has inevitably made volunteer work compulsory for the youth in Singapore under the Education System (which virtually means ALL the youth), in implementing the compulsory Community Involvement Program for its students. In this program, the compulsory syllabus of the year included doing at least 6 hours of volunteer work. But for the sake of the statistics remaining good, I shall ignore this fact and assume that our students would take the initiative, and somehow or other involve themselves in volunteer work, amid their extremely busy schedules.

In the recent Ren Ci Charity Show, we have witnessed several local artists perform harrowing, breath-taking stunts that prompted viewers to donate to the charitable organization. These artists should be saluted for volunteering to appear on National Television to boost their ratings among Singaporeans for appearing compassionate, and at the same time get a chance to train their acting skills. Some of their tears, grimaces while performing their stunts, and looks of sadness mixed with a tinge of pity, were actually quite convincing. Oh, did I forget to mention that it was all done in the name of charity? Yes, of course, and the Spirit of Volunteerism.

So as you can see, the Spirit of Volunteerism is very much alive in Singapore. We Singaporeans never fail to volunteer where can, at the same time, get rid of unwanted itmes, OR are forced to by higher, unchallengeable authorities, OR see personal benefit in the whole package. Yes, the Spirit is alive indeed. It is as alive as road-kill.

What the crapp!! My previous post was deleted?! Urgh. Okay. Anyway. I wanna say that I think its time I let go of this blog already. I really don't have time for it anymore.. And well.. I do feel this sense of pity.. Cuz this baby here has seen me through the darkest hours of my life.. All the way till I found what I was looking for. And she's been here all the while for me to pour out all my thoughts and sorrows until I did. Well.. But now. I really don't see a reason for me to keep her anymore.. In fact, I felt this way already quite some time ago.. Yeah. Thank you, and I mean YOU for keeping this blog alive. But I guess everything on this earth has an end, and its come for this blog. Maybe I'll squeeze in a post or two some time. But that's only when I've got nothing to do. So this is it. One of the final milestones of my newlife. Goodbye!

PS, I'll still keep the tag-board, so keep that one going as well alright? Haha! Bye guys see ya!