Can't wait to tune you all to 3rd movement of the Scottish. Not yet, but soon. Heh. The 3rd movement is so bitter-sweet! No not bitter... More of a sweet and... Sour taste. Like a graceful, dignified who has a flawless frame. The songs he sings are sweet but you can feel the longing and anguish tinged in the melodies... But he masks everything inside so well... He lets them go.

Haha.

TAGS:

Annette: yeah hi you take care too! and well im going to reply to your post. at the later part of this post.

zhouZZZ: like i said, take care and try to have FUN where ever you're going! yeah you bet. i LOVE my new viola. heh.

annthea: HELLO! hahaha! no lah don't worry about your nightmare our concert's quite soldout! haha, yeah! you bought 500 HUNDRED bucks!! my goodness.. hahaha.

To the Musical Louise:

I first heard of your dedicated post to me from your sister. And I realise that even from your previous post things that you've talking about are related to me and are things that I've gone through. That I've kept silent about!

Alright to begin, we all have to look at what is important to us. This question comes to mind: "Is sitting in front the most important thing in my musical pursuits?"

If the answer is yes, then I guess the answerer is someone who is more concerned with getting back as much as he gives, and is very intent on being the best. It's not at all a bad thing. Everybody wants to be the best, of course. But this is an issue of how much you want it. If you really want it so much it'll spur you on the work hard, and in the end, it turns out good. That's why its not a bad thing. Then, about "getting back as much as he gives", I'm sure that's what everyone looks at some time or another as well. Results! Its quite important as well. Imagine slogging away and not getting good results in exams? Its the same thing! So its not a wrong answer to say "YES!!!!" to the above question.

=)

Now. About "no". Its a more complicated issue. If sitting in front is not important, if being appreciated is not important, if being despised (!!!) is not important, then what is?

For me:

Is being important and appreciated really unimportant? No! Its not! But then the crux lies in WHO appreciates it and acknowledges the effort you put in. And the most important person is yourself. Imagine one day you were promoted to section leader, everybody comes up to you and tells you about how talented you are and you've even got a fan club dfedicated to you. But then. You know that someone sitting 3 rows behind is actually much much better than you are. How would you feel then? Sure you can comfort yourself that there ARE areas of playing where you excel further than him. But more often than not, you realise that you don't DESERVE that place given to you.

How then would you feel?

Appreciate and take pride in your own efforts, in the sounds that you create. Even if there's no one to hear except yourself. Put yourself in your section leader's place all the time, during rehearsals and during self practice. "If I want to be there, I must play as well, if not better than him!" Think like a soloist. "If I'm playing this passage all alone, and there's no hiding, no faking to be done about it, then I MUST play it well!" Then play as solidly as you can.

After all that you realise one thing: Integrity. Integrity as a musician. That I've put in what I can. No. ALL that I can ever put in. I can play the repertoire. I can play it well. Even though I'm sitting where I am, a pathetic seat, I know and am comforted by the fact that I am...

A Musician. Someone who creates music. Not someone who sits in front and depends on the people behind him to play out and hide his disabilities.

Do remember that whatever the audience hears, is what you play. If everyone hides, who will play? Though the audience may not know it, but you know this: They're HEARING ME.

And this , of course, goes to everyone who says, "What the hell? I'm better than that loser sitting 3 desks ahead of me! ARGH!!"

Now about myself... I feel that I'm not REALLY a perfectionist, in all senses of the word. There're many areas of the current repertoire that I'm not playing exactly very well. I do fake when I miss out hard passages! And I even harbour thoughts of faking those passages where I know I really cannot cannot play even though I practice it hard. Playing perfectly is not the issue, its about playing out the best of Sng Tiap Yang, no matter how bad it is, hehe.

And thank you, Musical Louise, for this faith in me that you possess. Take care and may your endeavours be blessed with light and victory.

To Heaven of Love, it didn't take much of me to say that goodbye. I only did what a friend would do. Don't thank me at all, its what I owe you! You don't have to be afraid that I'll just leave you behind. I told you: "This ship has many places to go, many goals to achieve. But it'll never be far from your waters." Never. I don't think so unless really dramatic things happen! You know what I mean. Take care where ever you are!