Today, once again alone on the South Bank.

A completely different feeling.

Happiness is something to be wanted and worked for. You don't sit and wish it to happen. And you need to want it from the bottom of your heart.

Such a beautiful, beautiful day. And I'm thankful for every drop of rain to wet my hair, every beat of a seagull's wings, every glint of sunshine on the Yarra river. And when the clouds part and the sky of absolute blue opens up...

I just want to sing you the song running in my blood. I'm yours.

Visited the War Memorial at Botanic Gardens and it was amazing. The art and sculpture, the landscaping, the peace. There is no glory in war, only that in the toughness of the human spirit. And through the eyes of a poet, an artist, a story-teller, I live the lives of those who deserved much much more than me.

I am no longer a casino virgin. Crown was such an eye-opener! Though I did feel a bit queasy from all the twinkling glaze and glamour, and from too much awesome cappucino, if that is even possible.

Finally found DFO and I love my new puma soccer boots. They were $38.50, red black and white. Can't wait to start making a fool of myself at the next soccer session :)

Yesterday I figured it out.

I've been selfish. Manically so. I throw my shit around. And I start to sweat the small stuff. And under-appreciate my blessings.

I'm guilty.

But it's time for a change. No more.

If life is shit, then fucking hell, I'm gonna be the flower that grows outta it.

To be your beacon of light.

Sorry guys, I apologise, especially to Chris. You guys deserve so much better from me.

What a day ! :)

Had surfing yesterday. A truly humbling experience. Got raped by the sea. Good workout though, and it was quite an experience to be wrapped in a tight sexy wetsuit. Of course not to mention the anticipation of a real monster of a wave.

Dinner at Sophia's after. Food is just ok but portions are quite mad. Was really happy though!

A thousand words searing red hot inside, branding the heart with their unbridled, dispassionate cries. But some things are better left unsaid.

It feels good to be back. Then life goes on and I start to procrastinate again. The natural way of things.

That is not to say I disliked the road trip. Au contraire. It was good, pleasant, delightful and even lovely at times.

It did bring my mind back to God, the awe and all the promises. Fleetingly. But like I have said so many times before there are some things that you leave behind and you don't ever pick up again. What's meant to be will be.

It feels good to know and have an answer to things once again. Goodbye now. Life beckons.

Just bathed from my jog and feeling damn good. Never had a run like this in a long time, where the only objective was to run. No timings to meet, no goals to hit. It's absolutely mind clearing, exhilarating. Caught a dandelion and wished happiness on everyone. As for myself, I'll be finding my own way.

Day 2 of my road trip and its looking pretty damn good!!

Yesterday hit 20:17 for 5km on a treadmill. Very, very satisfied. If my life is all about eating, sleeping, mugging and running, then end it now for I am a complete man.

I hate it when they do things like that. It makes me look at myself and wonder if I have inherited a genetic disposition to being an arguable prick.

And the protector becomes the protected. I can only hope that I am able.

The day started off well enough for him.

He increasingly found himself searching for something that he knew he never could find.

Walking down the South Bank, on his own for really the very first time.

The river glistened, like the thousand tear drops that were shed, and those that should have been but never did.

Empty faces, discordance, chaos, amidst the beautiful shades of forever.

The wind clawed at his skin, threatening to tear his heart out, but he was well guarded from the cold. He had created a way to survive.

All the time, thinking foolishly of what is forbidden.

It gets tiring when all you can do to keep sane is chase your own shadow.

Was scolded by mom today for being escapist. For running away from responsibility and hardship. And even though I really think I tried my best, it plants doubts in my mind.

There are some things which you just can't bring back to life. You just carry on with life with the burden of having made a mistake forever borne in your heart.

I want to have lived a life with as little emotional baggage as possible.

So I try to hide away from that little ray of sunshine because I don't know if it'll ever accept me for what I am about. I don't feel deserving either.

It's so much easier to run.

Gotta love PCL.

Another VESPA, another opportunity to flaunt my ignorance.

Are there really things that I know that others might have left out?

Need to keep believing that I'm not the resident idiot. That there will always be fight left in me.

Thank god for family.

ENOUGH EMO. Time waits for no man. I still don't know what I'm doing but I'm so freaking good at not giving a rat's ass. At least now the red seas are parting and it's not a big blob of adipose tissue anymore. Rocks.

Had HTHT with Ming yesterday.

I didn't know I was causing so much trouble for my friends. I used to think I had all the answers, I had it all going for me, that I'd be the one extending my hand out to others.

Arrogant and myopic have I been, who am I trying to kid.

I really don't know if I have a problem. Well I think I'm okay. Maybe I just miss bitching about every single damn thing. But it's true that 3rd parties always see better. Is there something I'm missing?

At last I'm able to put it into words. I've left EVERYTHING behind, my life, my music, my love. I've changed and nothing's the same anymore. I learnt not long ago that sometimes life makes you give up the things that you love. I'm not complaining. But really, WHAT AM I ABOUT NOW ? I'm not sure about anything I'm doing. I'm not even sure of what I am. Am I a monster, a freak, an anorexic ?

It doesn't really matter though. As long as I get my priorities right and do my loved ones proud. Not be a burden. Not be a narcissistic jackshit. It's just that I'm not confident I can do it. I've been such an underachiever, slacker and procrastinator all my life.

Really just want to be good at something for a change. I don't have to love it, it's really just a bonus.

Just so sian when I think about it.

Thinking of what I've given up makes it worse. But really, what can I do. I can't be a wreck forever.

A very good day to you, dearest blog. How long have you been sitting here waiting for me? It feels good to know that you've always been waiting for my inevitable return. It seems like you've seen my every thought, witnessed my every move. And you know me inside out, like a hc bio student knows campbell's.

Like anybody else I'm just trying to be happy. And I'm pretty confident that no matter which direction I take, I'll find it. The gray clouds cover the sun sometimes but you gotta keep hoping that you'll see that golden ray again, change is gonna come.

i told someone today that life's all about letting go and moving on.

perhaps i should take it back because life is much much more than that. it's just so big a thing that i can't possibly summarize it within this blog. anyhow right now there's alot of living in moments going on for me.

i'd like to talk about a little something. there's this little song that's been getting me through when i don't have my phone beside me (you know why).



suddenly my fav song in the album.

sometimes it brings tears but every time you cry, you get a little stronger. just can't sit there and let the world pass you by in self-pity. that'd be just tragic.

tomorrow you book in again. yet you're optimistic that you'll be able to last through. confident that while life goes on outside without you, you won't be forgotten, that there's a place for you to return to. then you feel touched beyond description that there are people willing to do everything they can to accommodate you, even at their own expense.

staring as i sit on the jarring steel steed,
watching eyes of devilish red stab the dark hues of night.
trees pass me by like solitary pilgrims
going on and on to face their loneliness.
yes, their loneliness till their death
they face ceaselessly, perpetually.
be happy and thankful you don't
and will never face the same fate.

beauty comes and fades but not the sweet scent of true love.

back from hell on earth.

its been such a long time. can only hope that where i am, i'll finally learn a few lessons on perseverance and humility. watching the planes pass by as others fly off to meet the sunrise while we're stuck on limbo isn't the most enviable feeling.

in any case there's still the blessed sea. it reflects the colour of the skies, and is capable of existing in the most stunning blue. perhaps its the only thing noting and remembering in this whole experience.

but whatever. my life starts and ends during the weekend, with nothing left in between.

went to PS today. what a wonderful day. diving bell and the butterfly is such a fascinating show. wish i had a more literary mind to appreciate it further!

then there was the park and there was you, and suddenly all is right in the world

nothing much to say about taiwan.

realised that there was this HC person called yi huang there and to think that i don't even recognize her! so interesting.

bought some nice new clothes.

ok going NS in err 2.5hrs. so excited.

will miss you. thanks for yesterday. love you.