Had HTHT with Ming yesterday.

I didn't know I was causing so much trouble for my friends. I used to think I had all the answers, I had it all going for me, that I'd be the one extending my hand out to others.

Arrogant and myopic have I been, who am I trying to kid.

I really don't know if I have a problem. Well I think I'm okay. Maybe I just miss bitching about every single damn thing. But it's true that 3rd parties always see better. Is there something I'm missing?

At last I'm able to put it into words. I've left EVERYTHING behind, my life, my music, my love. I've changed and nothing's the same anymore. I learnt not long ago that sometimes life makes you give up the things that you love. I'm not complaining. But really, WHAT AM I ABOUT NOW ? I'm not sure about anything I'm doing. I'm not even sure of what I am. Am I a monster, a freak, an anorexic ?

It doesn't really matter though. As long as I get my priorities right and do my loved ones proud. Not be a burden. Not be a narcissistic jackshit. It's just that I'm not confident I can do it. I've been such an underachiever, slacker and procrastinator all my life.

Really just want to be good at something for a change. I don't have to love it, it's really just a bonus.

Just so sian when I think about it.

Thinking of what I've given up makes it worse. But really, what can I do. I can't be a wreck forever.