I just don't get it all you guys.

After months upon months of whining and complaining about how tough school is, how you're all so fatigued with mugging, barely half way through the holidays and you're all complaining about nothing to do, being bored and there're even punks saying that they can't wait for the holidays to END??? Yeah. I just don't get you. It's this very light feeling of the knowledge that you have no responsibilities to bear that makes the holidays what it is, don't you understand? You never learn to appreciate the things that are in front of you. You're driven by your mundane and worthless thoughts of a better tomorrow when there is SO MUCH in front of you. I can tell you now that if you continue like this, this feeling of exasperation and frustration that you've been feeling for so long will never cease and will get more intense and harder to cope with, EVERY passing day of your LIFE.

I assure you.

Wake up.

Wow that post on Scottish Fantasy took quite a bit of time. Heh.

Today's viola lesson was quite fun, talked quite a bit of gossipy stuff. Heh heh. Then I played surprisingly quite ok-ly for Milhaud's La Parissiene. What can I say about the piece... I think its making a viola sound like a violin. That's not good, simply because it doesn't bring out the best in a viola, unlike Schubert's A minor Sonata. Its so much harder that Milhaud in terms of style and tone, technical things aside.

Haha I'm getting music-y again.

Anyway because of chatting, lesson was extended till almost 2hours. Yeah!! At least I'm starting to play a bit better, not that loserfied lessons I've been having all year.

So there's nothing much except... Monday went to see the orthodontist. Crap I'm going to wear braces. All the way through JC life. Urgh!! Infuriating!! Sigh. Well I'm gonna pluck out one tooth next Tuesday. Sobs.

After that followed mom around Chinatown to look for shoes. She finally found one Nike model she liked and bought it at Westmall that night.

Yesterday went out to town, Wheelock's NYDC and had lunch with Judy and Jon Lim!! Haha whee! Judy's treat. Yum! Had Hawaiin baked rice and the mudpie with loadsa oreo and chocolate, can't remember the weird weird names. Heh.

Then me and john went to his place to put his viola down. We ended up practicing a bit of Mendelssohn E minor's octaves part in the first page. Heh. My octaves are quite bad now after not practicing.

Not that they were any good in the first place, but they're worse now, so you can imagine. =)

So. Then we walked over to Cine to meet Jun Hong. He'd been waiting for us for like one hour plus already and he whined quite a bit about. Johnny got pissed with me cuz I walked too far ahead and left him alone so he took quite some time to get to Cine. Heh.

Took a one trip MRT from Somerset to Dhoby Gaut and went to this place beside Paradiz and lanned. Haha. CS and a bit of 1v1 DOTA which was quite boliao but oh well, it'll make do.

Then took bus, john and jun went to jun's house, and I went to meet mom near Bukit Timah Market and then went to Beauty World again to meet dad for dinner, bro joined us after.

So that's a by and by account of my life. Not that its very interesting but the primary purpose is for ME. For me to remember what I've been doing all my life! Aint that cool. 20 years from now I can access this site and read every thing that's been happening to me.

Great.

Have changed to Max Bruch Scottish Fantasy, played by (of course,) the great Jascha Heifetz.

Real name: "Fantasy for Violin and Orchestra and Harp freely using Scottish Folk Melodies, in E-flat Major,Op.46"

Like Alan, put it,

"It's a nice piece, but no one plays it cuz its very ULU (malay; in this context means: UNKNOWN).

But I implore you to listen to this. The beginning may sound boring to you, if you may, but look deeper, and see and feel the intense pain that Heifetz's harsh tone brings out so effectively and heart-wrenchingly. You can almost visualize the tears flowing from the violin... Even the very first note of the solo violin... The B natural... The way it creeps in so softly, silently... The loneliness and the solitude that Heifetz portrays bring goose bumps everytime, without fail.

The trill gives way ends the introduction with a sense of acceptance somewhat, transforming the tragic opening to a romantic, folksong-like theme that fully does the "Scottish" title due explanation. The preceding harsh, edgy tone is immediately transformed, becoming lush, sweet and whole. It descends into intense longing in parts here and there, but most of it represents poise and dignity. I'd like to visualize a gentleman strolling through the rolling meadows of Scotland, now and then recounting bygone loves when coming across ruins of once magnificent castles, and noting his loneliness when he does. All this Heifeitz gives to his listeners, almost flawlessly, with such grace and style, and needless to say, technique, that no other soloist has managed for this particular piece. It is because of his Scottish Fantasy that I've come to truly appreciate his immense worth as a musician.

The other movements of course are worthy of your listening to, as well. But I chose the first because of its musical worth, and tragicness, and its amazing charm.

It is no wonder that this is undoubtedly the best recording of Bruch's Scottish Fantasy.

The first movement, Adagio cantabile, comes from the popular 18th century tune, "Through the Wood Laddie," possibly McGibbon's version. The original tune has a typical baroque flavor, using the old pentatonic scale. Bruch transforms it into a lush, romantic melody by employing double stops and the key of E-flat major. This tune is often misidentified as "Auld Rob Morris," one of the traditional tunes Bruch arranged for voice and piano in his Twelve Scottish Songs of 1863.

http://www.rachelbarton.com/mus_notes.htm
http://www.sheilascorner.com/scot.html

Everyday, its still the same.
I wake up to an insane mess
Crazy rantings, mad disputes,
They cut the soul with great finesse.

It carries on, it never stops
Even for the wee bit rest
To rebuild what is torn and lost
It breaks up ties with frenzied zest.

Believe me as I say aloud
I will never be as one like you
You never think if every word
Contains what's right, reflects what's true.

Lies and wrath are all I see
Deep down in your tormented mind
But you just wish not to admit
What you lack you cannot find.

So now, you lash, you lose control
You think that you're the only one
Who has to work, who has to slave
Who has to bear the burning sun.

You think the world is against you now
But isn't it the other way round
You curse and swear what you cannot change
It slowly eats, and tears you down.

So now you end up convincing yourself
That you are the only righteous man
It is such a despicable lie
But you never try to understand.

You are blinded by your futile thoughts
Of wrath and anger, hate and scorn
To have your own back, to take control
Your very life you have torn.

Roses wilt and violets go
The rain will fall, the wind will blow
Standing here, alone I seem
Time, it flies

I hope, I dream.

I must say humanities in celebration was quite a flop... On the first day, everyone was bored, no one really listened. But thought O'connor was quite ok, except there was this guy who I recognize from NYPS, but dunno the name.. He was asking tonnes of stupid questions over and over again and trying to act smart but it turned out the wrong way I guess and he ended up looking quite stupid.

Went to Beauty world after the first day (Monday) and tried to find good comp games with a few other classmates but ended up empty handed except for the McFlurry. Watched them hop on a bus to Bukit Panjang Shopping centre...

Hmm.

Second day was no better, and I skipped the whole thing. Was in the orch-room practicing, and after that just played chamber at the reception, it was quite fun sight-reading violin 2 and viola scores all over again. Hahaha! And had quite a lotta fun. Some Australian guy, Carey came over and repaired the darn harpiscord. Learnt a lot a lot! Haha and it was fascinating to watch as well! Nice guy, him. Apparently the harpsi isn't worth 18k. And its in really bad shape because of bad handi-work and humid weather and weak glue.

Hmm.

I think because of flying soccer balls and tennis balls as well. ;)

Wednesday was viola lesson day. Had quite a good lesson in a really really long time. And I mean really really long. Didn't go for lesson in such a long long time! Cuz of going overseas and everthing.. And exams too.

Today was fun! Went out in the afternoon remade my EZ-link card then pooled with Yuan Hao and I was super lucky!! Really really lucky, kept getting lucky shots. Haha... And he was quite frustrated. Heh heh. ;P

Then had rehearsal and just had a lotta fun joking around lah, really really funny. Rocks man, seriously. And Glazunov is GREAT. Ike is great. Yeah. Pity I don't think I'll be playing in it, much as I may want to. Hmm.

Yeap so I'm back home and I think I'll go bathe.

Skips off to bathroom.

Well hello world. I'm at my Grandma's place now. Walked around Queensway Shopping Centre for 4 hours just now and guess what. Bought absolutely nothing. Ah well. At least I hope this kinda thing won't happen too often. I've got a life to catch, and I don't need any obstructions. Last 2 months of this kinda childish, early teen madness already.. And after that.. I guess things will just keep falling until I reach adulthood, and be grown up before I know or want it.

Bleah.

Like someone who really matters to me said once, "Tiap Yang, stay young at heart."

I don't ever want to do the things that other people have done to me, the shit that everyone puts others through. I wanna give Life, strength and hope.

I wanna give Love.

Nothing much to say here.. Except been having loads of fun slacking around ever since. Woke up early today to gatecrash Lenard's house to play comp, PS2 that kinda thing. Crap-plonk around on the piano and when the blackout came, no choice, play snap. Hahaha! I won I won! I'm not stupid, I'm not stupid!!

=)

Had breakfast at Farrer market by the way.

Went to Orchard after, waiting on the stairs for Jon Lim. I must say we looked like bloody bengs lah, I mean that's what they do right. Just need the empty Tiger Beer bottles and poison-filled cigarettes stuffed in our mouths and nostrils.

Hmm.

Went ate Burger King at Cine, and talked a lot a lot of shit. Just talk nonsense the whole time lah, but its fun. Tis is mates. Then tried to find things to do, walked all over the place. No LAN, no bowling, no pool, no movies. NOTHING, ZILCH. Urgh, not a good day as Lenard put it. So time came when we just had to split and go home. Haha. Wasted trip I must say.

Notice that now Orchard has ALOT of MUGGERS. Some people pop outta nowhere and start begging you to do surveys, donate money to self-philandering organizations. Hmm. Day-light robbery of time and money. It's not legal right, right? I don't think so.

Haha.

Tah for now.

Hello. Long absence. But Chinese is over. Over. You know what that means? I don't think I needa say. Haha! Whee ha.

Sweet

Smell

Of

Freedom.

Can you smell it? Its distinct fragrance. It wafts through the air, infiltrating every corner of the Earth, filling your heart and mind with a sudden clarity and discernment that the chains that once held you back are broken. Broken! Do you not see and understand this great gift? This privelege. This grace.

Enjoy every moment of it while it lasts my friends! To wallow in the knowledge that tomorrow there are no deadlines to meet, no responsibilities to bear.

Whoo hoo.

=)

Ah well.

Anyway. I for one found the Chinese paper just.. Okay. I mean. My Chinese lousy lah, ok ok?

Heh!

Man. I'm starting to swear like I'm in the army again. Not here of course, lest I get sued.

Squints. Shall catch up on sleep I've been collectively losing since... One month ago. A bit more even, I think.

Hey. Point to note: I'm through with the year. I know my teachers must be really upset, cuz they like me so much but I'm not retaining.

*Beams*

Hee. =D

Anyway.. Onto other random stuff...

Was talking to Dad sometime ago about how being a Chinese you gotta be proud of your culture, you gotta know the language.

Sure. Yeah, I agree. Its a pity if you don't know it well.

But can you blame me?

Look, all my life, though I've been in Chinese schools and all that, I have been experiencing English oriented lessons, English oriented friends, English oriented CCAs, when you switch on the TV its english, when you listen to the radio its English, hell even the vulgarities spray-painted on the void decks are in English.

What did you expect I'd turn out to be?

No, don't be mistaken, I wasn't being scolded. But I'm saying under my circumstances, I had no choice but to be really bad at the language. And I do feel its a pity.

However one thing I detest is this:

You know when you have all the Chinese cultural performances and all that? Its so.. Fake. And we all know that its the past and has absolutely nothing to do with our present lives anymore. Isn't that right? The calligraphy, the dances, the costumes, the music. It has become so separate from our lives that it seems so out of place. And its not just in Singapore, same thing even happens in the Fatherland. Went Guangxi last year. I couldn't feel the slightest sense of culture. Nothing, not in houses, not in streets, not anywhere at all. The performances were so unreal. It wasn't culture at all, just some messed up dance choreography.

Then I look at Vienna. That was different. It was almost as if you were living centuries of history in that city. I'm serious. Their streets were as they were back to the Renaissance. The things people appreciated, the arts, the music, it was all part of them, of what they saw, felt and heard.

Of what they LIVED.

The difference is this: They managed to integrate their culture into their very lives. That's what we need to appreciate fully and to be proud of who we are. Here in Singapore, we are a young nation. We are multi-clutural. We are small. We have no choice but to succumb the wills and might of those towering over us. We have to ADAPT to SURVIVE. In doing so, we open our doors, we invite the infiltration of others, and the dilution of our identity.

That's the problem.

Hello everyone! Nothing much to say here except I've been half-slacking, half-mugging all this while. At a nice leisurely pace and its not bad living really. Haha. Had back the last two papers yesterday, not bad, not bad indeed.

Indeed.

Haha! Everything comes at a cost lah.

Heya changed blog music to as stated above. Brahms Violin Concerto, 2nd movement. Wish he wrote more violin concertos. Haha. Maybe viola ones too.

Just realised that just two more posts and the Vienna one will be kicked out of the main page. After this, just one more. Haha.

But we all move on.

So the exams are over, just one more to go. You know the feeling like everything's gonna be over, and you're just being held back by one irritating thread? Yeah this is it, folks. O'level higher chinese.

Ahahaha. Wasn't any good at that language. Way back till P4. Haha.

So there's nothing much to say except the day-to-day mundane stuff..

Wednesday. After the final exam.. We had to stay back for some CCA and NE thingies that took up so much time. The CCA thingy didn't go too bad. Liked my accumulated points. =)

Then we had back our chem papers and I MUST say I did like crap. No more glistening As. Just a half-polished one that I wonder will pull me up to the required grade.

Then the NE. Nonsensical yet fun in a way. Quite fun to invest in stuff and with help I managed to pull off a master builder grade. So yeah. Free to leave and go after that. Everybody around wanted to LAN but I was pooped after the day. So just went for lunch at KAP and left.

That's about it. Went home, slacked, mug abit of chinese..

Then Thursday. Lenard came over in the morning and we badminton-ed for 2hours. Legs still aching now. Then tried to find people but nobody seemed free. Went pooling at BTP by our lonesome selves but still fun lah. After an hour we ended up in KAP eating icecream and talking a whole load of cock. Spied Ying Tse at the Video Ezy. With her mom? I think.

Then after that. Just went home. Mugged/Slacked.

That's about all the "interesting" stuff that's been happening.. Its starting to get a little boring as I type this. Yuck. I realise I'm just blabbering.

True there's always something to do. But it doesn't mean others will find what you're doing interesting anyway. At least to me, just staring into the nice blue sky for hours on end would probably be quite interesting. Got moving clouds right? Nice what.

I'm back to practicing like I'm gonna lose my instruments the very next day. But its fun. Yeah, fun.

Yesterday's trip to Little India was... Tiring. Walking along, with nothing much to see really. Feel the same way about China Town during the CNY. Just people. Nothing interesting to see. Just ornamental stuff, traditional stuff that I know I wouldn't use for the sheer reason that it looks incredibly OBIANG whether its chinese, hindu or malay.

Back to blabbering. Ah well. I shall mug Chinese again lah. Please don't call me a mugger. Heaven knows I'm bloody not.

Hello. So I haven't been posting much.. Just that with exams, its a tight schedule. So there're certain things that you just have to cut back on and this is, unfortunately, one of them.

Haha.. How I've grown. Now this blog.. Its like an empty shell that I've broken from, and when I look down.. At least I'm reminded of where I came from, what I've been doing.

Every new post is a new instance of breaking free.

Not that I need to post to be free. Its just like.. How everyday is a completely NEW day where the past iniquities are washed away, and its a brand new slate for me. "New". Its a great word.

And its a great life. Have fun all you guys!

Hmm? Blogger seems screwed again. Anyway best of luck to everyone for exams and any other endeavours yeah? May victory guide your paths.

I searched in vain in barren lands
Looking for what pirates seek.
Truding through the dreadful days
My soul and heart would weep.

I could not find, I did not know
Even what I sought, I searched.
And vultures high above the air
And naked branch, would perch.

It came to me, one day, it did
After years of sweat and toil
The greatest gift that one could have
That devils' plans will foil.

So now I smile.

I hope you will too.