Been sleeping at crazy times and for insanely short periods. It's not healthy, and it won't help me achieve my goals. It's time to stop this !

I want to say a few little somethings today. It's not about owning something or having it for keeps and guarding it with jealousy. It's about appreciating what it is as it sparkles enticingly in the distance, as it sways and rides the winds, and how it shines through the darkest clouds. Maybe its much better to appreciate something untarnished by your iniquity and flaws.

At the same time, you do whatever you can. Expect nothing, take nothing. You give because you want to and because it's only right. I have never had my mom ask me for anything other than growing into the perfect man in her eyes.

Speaking of which it's mother's day tomorrow and I have yet to find the perfect gift. I don't think I ever will. It's probably the distance that makes me feel so tenderly for her, but I guess we all need a little wake up call now and again. I confess to being a horrible son, mom. Hating you for loving me, pushing you away when I needed you and always finding myself in a shit hole I can't get out of myself only to have you bail me time and time again. I know I will never be perfect, yet in your eyes I see myself whole and complete, because that's all you've ever seen me as. I will always remember that incident during A levels when I lost my mind and turned into a monster and hurt you in a way that no son ever ever should in a thousand million lifetimes. And guilt will always wash my heart with an ache that nothing I do can ever ever take away. There are so many other incidents I can think of, but I can only take so much.

And at the end of the day, while searching for all the imperfect substitutes like flowers, cards and chocolate, I know that the perfect gift you wanted all along was for me to be happy. I'm trying.

Mom, I'm sorry. I love you. And I want to do you proud. May I never ever forget that.

That made me a tad emo.

Once again I am lagging behind in my work. It's time to buckle down and really work at it and be guilt free. At least I'm done with Case Commentary.

First movie yesterday in approximately 3 months. What a feeling. Ip Man II was thoroughly enjoyable, albeit being both predictable and typical Asian kungfu fare. But like I said, it WAS enjoyable, and when you watch anything with who I watched it with, it could be Days of Our Lives and you'd still be having a blast.

Had a scare. I'm glad my room's not burnt.

Going for another 4km run now. It's a real beautiful and sunny day in Melbourne !