Today's strings rehearsal.. How do I describe it. I guess I never really said anything to the orchestra in such detail and with such emotions and feelings before. Most of the time its just cracking an odd joke or two. But yeah. I've been with them 3 years. Its a lot of time. And its a lot of effort too. I don't know. I wish I could say I did the best I could to push us all to higher standards, not only in performing, but in character and relationship building as well. I guess if I look back all I can say is that I've been pretty much a forgettable section leader. Just one who came to orchestra, played his viola and didn't really give much of a damn about anything else, like conducting sectionals properly for instance. Did I help out with committee planning? Training juniors? I guess all I knew was to saw away at my strings. And that's about it. I wish I could go, feeling good about the things I've done, but I guess not. Its just things like this that remind us how much life is worth and how much we all take things for granted until the final moment when we see everything just evaporate away from us, gone forever.

And I guess I'm a hypocrite as well, telling others to cherish their time and to give their all, when I'm hardly doing so myself. Hmm.

And if you guys ever read this, take me for as example yeah? And don't ever end up like me now. Really, cherish it and hold on. You never miss the water till its gone you know.

Sigh.

Sorry.